Dengue Fever

After a few months of writing practice, Mr 12 has made significant improvements in his writing style.  His essay also presents another good opportunity for an improvement exercise and a long-awaited chance to show off some beautiful garden pictures.  🙂

 

Dengue Fever

It was a beautiful morning.  The sky was a brilliant blue and the leaves rustled in the gentle breeze.  The fresh morning air was crisp.  Mrs. Lim was watering her plants because it was her hobby.  She liked to take care of plants.

Mrs. Lim had many varieties of plants.  As it was the flowering season, her garden was filled with colourful blossoms.  Her backyard was filled with all kinds of colours.

The next day, Mrs. Lim felt terribly ill.  Fortunately, it was Saturday because on every Saturday, her son would visit her.  When her son Andy arrived, Mrs. Lim told him that she was feeling ill.  He quickly took her to the hospital.

The doctor told her that she had caught dengue fever.  Dr. Wong told Mrs. Lim that the symptoms of dengue fever were high fever and chills.  He gave Mrs. Lim some medicine and she went home.

Andy called the fumigator to fumigate Mrs. Lim’s house.  After the house was fumigated, there were no more mosquitoes at her house.

After one week, Mrs. Lim was fully recovered and discharged from the hospital.  When she reached home, she quickly watered her flowers because she had not watered them for days.  What an awful experience!

Feedback

When writing a story about real life, we need to get the facts right.  In this example, a patient diagnosed with dengue needs to be admitted to the hospital and thereafter closely monitored in an isolation unit until the patient receives a clean bill of health from the doctor.

This essay also provides the perfect opportunity to evoke our five senses to help create a vivid image in the reader’s mind that draws him/ her into the story.

 

Another way of writing it

It was a beautiful morning. The sky was a brilliant blue and the tree leaves rustled in the gentle breeze.  The fresh morning air was crisp and cool.  Just like every other day, Mrs. Lim was watering her plants in her garden. Gardening was her favourite hobby and she simply loved to see her plants thrive and flourish.

Mrs. Lim grew many varieties of flowering plants.  At the peak of the growing season, her plants were covered with beautiful blossoms. Her backyard was swathed with vibrant colours of red, pink, purple, orange, white, yellow and green.  The sweet smell of flowers like jasmine and lavender filled the air with an intoxicating scent.

After spending a restless night tossing and turning in her bed, Mrs. Lim woke up the next morning with a high fever and chills. Her swollen joints ached and she felt as if a colony of ants was making a nest inside her head.  Fortunately, it was Saturday. On every Saturday, her son Andy would drop by and pay her a visit to see how she had gotten along during the week. When Andy arrived, Mrs. Lim told him that she was feeling very much under the weather. He quickly took her to the hospital for a medical examination.

The doctor, Dr. Wong told her that she had all the symptoms of dengue fever.  Mrs. Lim nodded her head weakly in affirmation. She was ordered by the doctor to be admitted to the isolation ward for further observation. Meanwhile, Andy called the health authorities to report the dengue case. Fumigators were  immediately dispatched to fumigate the whole neighbourhood.

After being discharged from the hospital, the first thing Mrs. Lim did upon reaching home was to water her precious, wilted plants as they had not been watered for days.  She felt good being back in her garden. Surrounded by a bright array of colours, she could enjoy herself by digging and planting to her heart’s content.

 

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About Katherine

Just a female who has time to do a bit of pondering and musing. Otherwise, I am on an interesting journey down the path to being a senior citizen.
This entry was posted in All Categories, Correcting and Improving, Primary School - Upper and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dengue Fever

  1. planthoarder says:

    What a lovely garden!

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