A Strange Dream

Some students are capable of writing a good essay but have the tendency of starting most of the sentences the same way. A good writer knows how to vary the beginnings of his/her sentences to make a story more interesting.

Here’s an example whereby sentences have the same beginning.  In this case, it is “I”.

 

A Strange Dream
Contributed by Mike C (14 years old)

“Ring!  Ring!”  I was abruptly jerked awake.  I was in a hotel room, alone!  Where on earth were my parents?  I tried to turn on the lights, but they did not light up.  I was starting to get a bit nervous.

I opened the door slightly and peeked out from behind the door.  There was not a single soul in the corridor.  I am becoming more scared by the minute.  I lounged aimlessly on the bed and flicked through the in-house television channels.  Rumbling noises from the hallway caught my attention.  I put my ear to the door and listened carefully to the weird reverberating noises.

My curiosity got the better of me, so I opened the door warily.  Oh my!  It was a zombie!  The monstrous creature gave me a devilish look and reached for me.  I let out a terrified scream and tried to slam the door shut.  The hideous being kicked the door open and chased me around the room.

I darted out of the door and ran for my life, not knowing where to hide. Idashed down the stairway and finally reached the basement.  To my horror, there were more zombies – hundreds of them!  I turned tail and headed back to my room, hoping that the dreadful zombie had left my room.  Fortunately, it had.  I heaved a big sigh of relief, locked the door and hid under the bed.

Out of the blue, a hairy hand grabbed me and began to shake me violently.  I was scared stiff and wetted my pants.  I closed my eyes tightly, willing the zombie to go away.

“Wake up!  Wake up!”  A voice penetrated through my muzzy brain.  I hesitantly opened one eye and boy, was I glad it was only my mother!

 

Another way of writing it

“Ring!  Ring!”  Abruptly jerked awake by the incessant ringing of the phone, I stared blearily around the room.  After snapping out of my momentary daze, I realised I was in a hotel room, alone!  Where on earth were my parents?  It was dark, so I tried to switch on the lights but they did not light up.  Feeling uneasy, I decided to seek out my parents.

Cautiously edging the door ajar, I peered from behind it.  There was not a single soul in the corridor.  With no choice but to await my parents’ return, I lounged aimlessly on the bed and flicked through the in-house television channels.  Rumbling noises from the hallway caught my attention.  Putting my ear to the door, I listened warily to the weird reverberating noises.

My curiosity got the better of me so I opened the door guardedly.  Oh my!  It was a zombie!  With a devilish look on his ugly face, the monstrous creature reached out for me with its green slimy fingers.  Filled with utter revulsion, I let out a loud piercing scream before slamming the door shut in its face.  But the hideous creature kicked the door open with minimal effort, and began to chase me around the room with fiendish glee.

I darted out of the door and and ran for my life.  Not knowing where to hide, I dashed down the stairway.  In no time at all, I reached the basement but to my horror, there were more zombies – hundreds of them!  I turned tail and headed back to my room, hoping that the dreadful zombie had left my room.  Fortunately, it had.  Heaving a big sigh of relief, I quickly locked the door and hid under the bed.

Out of the blue, a hairy hand grabbed me and began to shake me violently.  Scared witless by now, I wetted my pants.  With my eyes tightly closed, I kept on willing the zombie to go away in my mind.

“Wake up!  Wake up!”  A voice penetrated through my muzzy brain.  Hesitantly opening one eye, I peeked through my eyelashes.  Boy, was I glad it was only my mother!

 

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About Katherine

Just a female who has time to do a bit of pondering and musing. Otherwise, I am on an interesting journey down the path to being a senior citizen.
This entry was posted in All Categories, Correcting and Improving, Writing - Secondary School and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A Strange Dream

  1. roxanne says:

    nice story it was all nice but boy itwas scary

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