Helping kids to improve their writing

Although students are able to complete an essay, they seldom take the initiative to check their work for grammatical mistakes. This essay contributed by an 11 year old is a clear example.  The young writer also lacked the terminology of the subject he was writing about.


A Basketball Game

ImageThe sun was shining brightly on an enchanting Sunday morning.  John, James and Harrison was playing basketball together on a basketball field. They were engrossed in their games and all were busy shooting and passing the basketball.

Each of them have different abilities in playing which makes them a great team.  John can shoot the ball from a long distance while James can snatch and dribble the ball very well. Harrison can jump very high and trash the ball into the basket very accurately.  They were playing enthusiastically.

Suddenly, there was a drizzle.  They continued playing in exhilaration.  While they were having a fabulous time, the sky turned dark and there was a downpour.  They continued playing.  They did not care that it was raining cats and dogs.

After the heavy rain, the three of them was drenched and the ground was wet and slippery.  They scored high points.  While James was passing the ball to John, he fell down and his leg was injured.

John and Harrison ceased playing immediately when they saw that Jams had fell and quickly helped him to the bench.  They helped him all the way to his house and stayed there for a moment.  After James’ parents bandaged his leg, he managed to walk but cannot run.  He was very happy because he scored the highest score of all of them.



An improved version of A Basketball Game

The sun was shining brightly on an enchanting Sunday morning.  John, James and Harrison were playing basketball. They were engrossed in their game and everyone was actively shooting and passing the ball.  Each player had different abilities that made them a great team. John was good at perimeter shots while James could dribble and snatch the ball with great skill.  On the other hand, Harrison could jump very high and dunk the ball into the hoop with superb agility.

With enthusiasm shining from their faces, each step they took about the court made it appear as if they were dancing.  The sky turned dark during their game.  It began to drizzle but they ignored the bad weather and continued their game in exhilaration.  Soon, rain began to fall in buckets.  Nevertheless, they continued with their playing and did not mind it was pouring cats and dogs.

In no time at all, the three friends were drenched to the bone while the ground turned wet and slippery.  The unsafe conditions made it dangerous to keep going but they were too caught up in their game to stop.  While James was passing the ball to one of his buddies, he slipped and fell.

His two pals immediately came to his aid.  They quickly helped him to a bench and discovered that he had twisted his ankle.  They accompanied John home and stayed with him until his parents returned home from work.  John had to stay at home until his ankle was fully healed.  He hoped to recover soon so he could go to play basketball again.



About Katherine

Just a female who has time to do a bit of pondering and musing. Otherwise, I am on an interesting journey down the path to being a senior citizen.
This entry was posted in All Categories, Correcting and Improving, Primary School - Upper and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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